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| So i was able to get away from life this weekend. it was so nice. I got to see the COMO ppl escpecially Joel and we got drunk FUN FUN lol...it got me away from this life and made me be even more ready 4 college...hopefully i will be going back soon! | | |
| Ok so i know it has been a long time. But life gets busy. I have to share a few things, and i really need some feedback. I havnt been feeling myself lately at all. There was a serious accident in Lawson yesterday, its all over the news, the innocent ppl hit by the car chase were my neighbors. I havn't cried or yelled i just feel so numb. I never realized how close death could be to my door. all this stuff keeps making me think about everything...my life, my heart, and those i love. I have a bf his name is Joe...i really am in love with him, but the past few days i feel like he doesnt feel the same any more...im terrified. And in addition to that, lately ive been thinking alot about Joel...yes i know its time to get over all that, but still there is a little bit of a cling left. I see his pic and miss him instantly...and i know he has a xanga, but he doesnt often check it so im thinking it will be ok. I have always hoped that somehow there was a cahnce for him and me...even tho everything says no...even astrological signs! But wow after this wreck i just cant be the same person i was. i want to not feel this right now...i want to not be so confused, i want this sickness that has enveloped my world to leave....i just want things to be normal. I also called cheating bastard Chad Micheal Mills and ripped him a new ass...something that has been coming for a while...in fact it is the only thing i feel good about right now. To let you know how all this has made me feel...i cant laugh even at South Park...i cant listen to any music at all...NOTHING the radio is off no cds, i cant even look at ppls pages with music...nothing fits. I dont know what the perfect sitiuation would be...i really dont. But i want to love and be loved not even just in a romantic sence...i just need some security in this shit hole that is life. All i do is school work and sleep...i dont want to go anywhere but i dont want to be home either...I knwo that i still want to be with joel...and for some reason i feel like i have a chance...even tho i know my chances are like an ice cube in hell. And even if i got that...i dont know if that would be enough, or i want it so bad because i cant have it, maybe it is that i never really had a chance. And to make it all more confusing there is joe...who i love, but i dont know if he really knows how to love or if he really loves me..a thought that makes me cringe...ive felt like vomiting so much lately...im so sick of this...everything P.S. after writing this...joe has officialy dumped me because he doenst want to fall for someone he knows it wont work out with in the end...waait so that means all the times he told me he loved me were fake | | |
| WOW...long time no entry. Im here at work and was doing some blog research for my boss, so I thought I would update for once. Summer has been going well...Europe was of course the BEST. CRY went soooooo well, Im now the president, EXCITING! So I have been working ALOT at both jobs. 9-5 @ realestate 6-12 @ theater...Im really not enjoying all the work and lack of sleep, and the money seems to go away before i use it on gas and bills. Im ready to go back to school, and have a more regular lifestyle. No more working all day, even though school can sometimes be hard. This year ive set my self up with some easier classes to give myself a break from the normal durge of life. I have gotten to have amazing sex in the back of a car...first time in a car. And gone thru another boyfriend.... "hump and dump" so I ask myself why i continue to try searching for love...I beleive that it is a human reflex, one from the dawn of time. We human beings have a soul that longs to be nurtured, and fed. The best of all fruits is love, so that is what our souls look for. However the truest of those loves is not a fruit you can pick, choose, or find. It's tree is already growing for you, and all you can do is wait until the season of harvest comes.. Love cannot be found it finds its owner. I wish this wasnt so, that you could just pick a person and BAM love. So I have decided to stop looking, although sometimes I feel as though i have found it, but cannot grab hold of that person long enough to let them see what i do. But i will wait, for them...i may go thru different people...they will be the long lost streets, and all of those that break my heart will be like Northern stars. (LOVE Rascal Flatts). So yes my summer has been busy, but full of discoveries about myself, spirit, and heart... | | |
| GREETINGS FROM LONDON!!!
This is the first time ive been able to get online and i feel so withdrawn from the world. This city..this country is so amazing to me. the people are so much more laid back and they are so open. i can smoke here legally which is so cool but no drinking til i get to France and then thru Spain. The twins are here reading over my shoulder so i guess i shouldnt talk bad about them...but the homeschool group we are with are...as most homeschoolers are socially impared...so i told them..they got slightly pissed...OH WELL Z|ac does not care a bit. But one of them i beleive her name is \jessica is pretty cool...but LOUD!!! We all had a little chat in the room twas cool well the time is almost up here so ill try to get on another time
Luv ZAC | | |
| My life sucks mega ass...but i dotn want to continue living like this... | | |
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